AGENDA
The Real RNC Midterm Convention offers an action-packed agenda teaching you how to gaslight voters about the rising costs, corruption, and chaos inflicted by the policies you’re running to rubber-stamp. Learn how to balance pretending to care about your constituents with your real priority: courting out-of-state mega-donors.
This agenda is carefully crafted to give you every tool you need to stay loyal to Trump no matter the cost to the people you represent — and how to blame Biden when all else fails.
DAY ONE SCHEDULE — SEPTEMBER 9
- 10:00 AM — Blame Biden
- 10:15 AM — Blame Biden Again, But Angrier
- 10:30 AM — Meet the Candidates: Sign up below to join an in-person town hall with the Republican candidates on the ballot this year. You’ll have the chance to meet them face-to-face and ask about their records and platforms.
- 11:00 AM — Panel: Gaslight Like You Mean It — Explaining Price-Hiking Tariffs To Your Constituents
11:30 AM — Panel: How to make millions on a 175k salary- Special Guests: Rob Bresnahan, Virginia Foxx, and Tom Kean Jr.
- 12:30 PM — Lunch Break
- (Menu: One Corn Tortilla, One Piece Of Broccoli, One Piece Of Chicken, And One Other Thing. Items subject to change or removal due to increasing inflation)
- 12:45 PM — Hike Tariffs Again, Pretend That Was The Plan All Along
- Panelists: a confused Kevin Hassett and an enraged Peter Navarro
- 1:30 PM — Training Module: How to Deny an Election & Disenfranchise Your Voters
- Special Guests: Stacy Garrity, Rick Jackson, Andy Biggs, and Tom Tiffany
- 2:30 PM — RFK Jr. Keynote: Ask Your Doctor About Not Asking Your Doctor
- 3:00 PM — JD Vance Explains the Tariffs, Again, Slower This Time
- 4:30 PM — “Golden Circle” VIP Reception
- (Invitation-only. Limited to CEOs of companies the President has personally promoted, praised, or traded from the White House. Regular delegates may watch through the window.)
- 5:00 PM — Pete Hegseth’s Power Hour & Cocktail Reception (Tariff Surcharge Applies For Imported Spirits)
- 6:00 PM — Dinner With Predators *Ticketed*
- Special Guests: Ken Paxton, Michael Whatley, and Jon Husted
- Special Guests: Ken Paxton, Michael Whatley, and Jon Husted
DAY TWO SCHEDULE — SEPTEMBER 10
- 8:00 AM — Prayer Breakfast: Grant Us the Serenity to Ignore the Polling
- Special Guests: Pete Hegseth’s controversial pastor
- 8:30 AM — Moving the Goalposts: Gas Prices
- 9:00 AM — Blame Biden, One More Time for the Cameras
- 9:30 AM — Panel: How To Build A Grassroots Campaign When You’ve Never Touched The Grass In That District
- Special Guests: Zach Lahn, Mike Rogers, Michael Whatley, David Flippo=
- 10:00 AM — Training Module: Vulnerable House Members Practice Not Answering Direct Questions
- * Must bring a fellow representative to practice with*
- 10:30 AM — Special Presentation: Ken Paxton’s Guide to Integrity
- 11:00 AM — Medicaid Cuts? Never heard of them: Reframing the Big Beautiful Bill
- Special Guests: Mariannette Miller-Meeks, Mike Lawler, Susan Collins
- 12:00 PM — What Not To Eat: Grocery Shopping & Cooking in 2026
- 12:30 PM — Lunch Break (Menu: Subject to recall)
- 12:40 PM — Special FDA Announcement: If You Can Hear Us From The Bathroom… Our Bad About The Lettuce Thing
- 1:00 PM — Not In My Backyard — Yes In Yours: Data Centers & the Republicans Who Love Them.
- Special Guest: Jon Husted, Rob Bresnahan, and Michael Whatley
- 1:45 PM — Anti-Corruption & The Swamp: Drain it? I don’t think so.
- 2:15 PM — Winning Over Women: How to Scrub Your YouTube Channel
- Special Guest: Brandon Herrera
- 3:00 PM — Training Module: Get Out Of Jail Free — How To Get A Presidential Pardon
- 4:00 PM — Closing Remarks & Group Photo: Smile Like You’re Not A Right-Wing Extremist
